Let me introduce you to my own personal life coach. What's a life coach, you ask? A life coach is someone who helps you get your life together, not by telling you what to do, but by guiding you through an individualized process to discover for yourself what you should be doing next in life, business, relationships, or all of the above. In my case my life coach's name is Anita Lee, but I call her mom. That's not a term of endearment by the way, just her other title. It's not easy growing up with a coach. It's hard to get anything by her, and it's really hard to slack off and get away with it. But I think I turned out OK, and now I recommend her to everyone I know. Her wisdom has kept me out of a few tough spots along the way. So now I want to share her with you. She was recently telling me about a speech she gave, and I asked if she'd be willing to share a summary of it here. So without further ado, I give you...
Create Your Own Authentic Success at Any Stage of Life
“Change is inevitable. Challenge is probable. Choice is yours. Change your life by changing your choices.” -Anita C. Lee
How do you define success in your own life? Are you where you want to be, doing what you feel you are best at doing for this stage of life?
As a life and business success coach, I have the privilege of working with people who want to excel in life. They’re tired of the status quo and living on “auto-pilot,” or they feel stuck in their jobs or life in general, but they don’t know what to do about it. They know it’s time for a change, but they hesitate to make those changes.
Some are afraid of taking a wrong step. They want to be certain before making changes. Perfectionism is paralyzing them. Others are so full of ideas they can’t sort them out and make a choice. I call that “tornado brain.” The ideas spin and spin but decisions aren’t made. And some people feel so doubtful of their own worth that they think they can’t do what they would really like to do—“Who am I to write a book? There are already so many books out there.” “I can’t ask for a promotion. I don’t know enough.”
Young children don’t put these restrictions on life. But somewhere along the line we learn to hold back, to play it safe, to fear failure. Then after years of living a “safe” life, we can find ourselves living on autopilot—just going through the motions. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Here are some things we can learn from little ones to help us find our own authentic success:
- Be Curious—look at everything with “fresh” eyes. Do something new everyday. I love watching little children discover the world—rocks, leaves, a broken piece of concrete on the sidewalk… Everything is new and worth investigating. Adventure is around every corner. The lesson in it: We can look for new experiences or new ways of doing old things. Our creativity is increased and we find answers we couldn’t see otherwise.
- Get excited—celebrate everything! It doesn’t take much for a child to celebrate. When my children were preschoolers, we had a Happy UNbirthday party to cheer us up on a dreary day. We baked a cake and wrapped “gifts” that we found around the house (including a dirty sock from the hamper), and sang “Happy UNbirthday to you” to an unsuspecting dad when he walked into the house after work. The lesson in it: Instead of complaining about what is wrong in the world, look for the possibilities—the good in people, places, and events. When we focus on the good in life, we see more of it.
- Have faith—believe you can do great things. Often, we hesitate to do something new because we’re afraid we’ll fail. When a toddler is learning to walk, he’s so excited and motivated, even though he falls down repeatedly. He has an innate belief that walking is possible. The lesson in it: When learning something new, bounce back up if you don’t catch on the first few times. Perseverance is often the difference between success and failure.
- Get help from others to do what you can’t do. A young child is not afraid to ask for help. He feels no shame in getting help for the things he can’t do. The lesson in it: We were created for community. Sharing and helping—and accepting help—enriches our lives. Are you starting a new hobby or business? Who do you know who is already successful in that skill? Ask that person for help. Be the person who helps others learn a new skill.
Oh, and one more thing to learn from little children— When life is hard and you’re tired, find your softest blankie and take a good long nap!
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Anita C. Lee is founder and Chief Encouragement Officer at Authentic Success, LLC. She is a professional life coach, speaker, and author of The Authentic You: Becoming The Woman You Were Created To Be
For more information contact Anita at: [email protected] or go to her website at www.AnitaCLee.com.
Emily Mulder says
Thank you for sharing. A great article! I love this: "Others are so full of ideas they can’t sort them out and make a choice. I call that “tornado brain.” The ideas spin and spin but decisions aren’t made." ... although with me decisions are half made and things all over the place continue to be half done and half undone, and sometimes my mind is working so overtime that everything around me is a mess... 🙂 I love the contrast with little children. We can learn so much from them!
Meredith says
Thanks Emily! I know a lot of people can relate to tornado brain, especially creative types. I feel I can either have a clean house, or I can have some of my creative work done. It seems I can never have both at the same time! 🙂
Anita says
Emily, I SO identify with your "half done and half undone" situation. For some of us, the momentum is in the beginning of a project. Finishing is difficult because there are so many new things we want to try. I think I need to set aside one day a week to finish (or at least work on) ONE thing that has gone unfinished for awhile.
Tim says
The crippling effect of not taking that first step because you don't know the outcome is a real problem for some people I know. If most of us look around, life does seem to have a way of turning out ok. I appreciate the privileges we have living here as I think that is important. I also agree with all the points made above. Seeing things with new eyes, getting excited like a kid, and knowing limitations so you can help others go further. All very sound advice.
Anita says
Tim, sometimes perfectionism gets in the way of our progress. We're looking for the perfect long-term solution, when we should just be taking the next right step. Keep on stepping!
Jeri Walker-Bickett (@JeriWB) says
Sound advice and I can attest to how helpful a career coach can be as well. Even though I was highly-motivated and successful in my teaching career, I needed someone to help steer me down the path toward being a more successful freelancer. Like good teachers, a good coach listens rather than directs. The student needs to discover what they already know... a lesson that took me sooooo long to learn and put to use.
Anita says
Jeri, I'm so glad you took the opportunity to work with a coach. You're right. A good coach knows how to listen "between the lines" and ask questions that will help the client find his/her own answers. Many blessings to you as you continue as a freelancer.
Ken Dowell says
Be curious! Sounds simple and I know there are so many times when I'm not. Thanks for the reminder.
Anita says
Ken, we often forget to slow down long enough to really see the world around us. May you remember to look through eyes of wonder and appreciation.
lenie5860 says
Have faith - believe you can do great things - This is one I'm going to post beside my computer on the desk. What a great motivator and challenge at the same time. I wish I had known about the Happy UNBirthday party. What a neat way to spend a dreary day. A most enjoyable post. Thanks Meredith, for introducing your mother.
Anita says
It's never too late to have an Unbirthday party! How about this weekend? Who will you invite? 🙂
William Rusho says
What a wonderful article. Those are things we should do everyday. I know looking at the world with fresh eyes, makes me feel a little younger, and that is not bad.
Anita says
William, we have the choice of looking at the good in the world or looking at the difficulties, don't we? We can focus on the possibilities rather than the challenges.
Jacqueline Gum (Jacquie) says
LOVE this post! Indeed the choices are ours...sometimes we forget that, no..sometimes I forget that and get lost in what others expect...or being afraid to let anyone down. Often that leaves me feeling as though I have let myself down most of all:) We are faced with so many choices these days that it can become paralyzing...just started a blog post about that! LOL
Anita says
Jacquie, it took me a long time to realize that I would never be able to please everyone, so I needed to find out how to be the best me possible and be that person. My book, The Authentic You, is my attempt to help others become all they were created to be. I'm eager to read your blog post.
Beth Niebuhr says
Great article and I love the quote: “Change is inevitable. Challenge is probable. Choice is yours. Change your life by changing your choices.” -Anita C. Lee
It's great to emulate children in not restricting ourselves and our reactions.
Meredith, thanks for sharing your mom's post.
Meredith says
Thanks for stopping by Beth!
Pat Amsden says
I find the idea of a life coach to be interesting. You're right saying Change Is inevitable but oftentimes it's not by choice. It's also true that children embrace change and celebrate life. An example of how they can embrace something we tend to see as depressing - a rainy day. Yet I've seen children from a local preschool dressed in gumboots and raincoats having an absolutely wonderful time splashing around and jumping.
Anita says
Pat, we can't always choose the changes that come our way, but we can choose how we will react and carry on. A life coach can often help a client who is faced with unexpected changes by listening, questioning, and encouraging him/her in discovering new possibilities.
intentionaldabbler says
This was a fun read! I suffer from perfectionism, tornado brain, AND doubt! Triple threat. But I won't let that get me down! I LOVE the unbirthday idea! My kids would have so much fun planning an unbirthday party for daddy. I'd love to have seen the expression on your dad's face when he opened the dirty sock gift. Priceless stuff. Thanks for sharing this.
Anita says
This Unbirthday event is one of our favorite family stories even now, decades later. It has lifted our spirits many times as we remember that day. I think making memories is one of our most important jobs as mothers. I'll bet you're good at doing that, intentional dabbler.
andleeb says
Change in choice , changes the outcomes and surely life change. I love your statement on card. The tips that are given are all spot on. I believe that faith is something that completely change our life, faith is , not getting something you want , but a believe what you will be destined with , is best of you. Last line is so cute; When life is hard and you’re tired, find your softest blankie and take a good long nap!
This is what I see my daughter , doing everyday.
Thanks for sharing a lovely post with us.
Anita says
So glad you enjoyed the post. Yes, you can learn much from your precious daughter.
Susan Cooper says
Love this post! Definitely a keeper. A reminder to us all to think back to when we were young and excited and ready to take on the world, without fear of failing or falling or being ashamed of needing help. It's too bad we lose that somewhere on the way to adulthood. Thanks for the reminder and the great advice. Moms always do know best!
Anita says
Susan, so glad you enjoyed this. We all need reminders that we don't have to go it alone, don't we. Let's look around and see who needs our helping hands today.
Eve Koivula says
I couldn't agree more with your mom Meredith.
Perhaps I should bake a cake today...
Anita says
Happy UNbirthday to you. Bake that cake and enjoy a piece for me!
pamelaC-PhD says
How great is this!
Awww... and how blessed you both are having one another. My mom was my life coach and best friend ...I miss her more each day. She told me.,"Make every decision be the right decision." I love that one.
Thank you for the information and inspiration.
Pamela
Anita says
Pamela, I love that--Make every decision be the right decision. Wise words!
jbutler1914 says
Having faith has helped me out in a lot of instances. People said that I was crazy before I went on my cross country trip last year. My faith and courage made it happen.
Anita says
Often we have to take a step or two before we can see the next part of the journey. No one can do that for us. I'd love to hear about your trip.
niekkamcdonald says
I'm on a journey and I am in a place where I need direction on finding what I need to do. All of these tips are great the biggest one for me is having faith. That is the one thing I have control over. Without that I wouldn't be at this point in my life. It has been hard but I'm greatful for it because I know it means I am right on the cusp of something big.
Anita says
Niekka, I like your positive spirit. Please feel free to contact me if I can be of help, at [email protected] . I offer a complimentary session by phone for anyone who wants to explore how coaching can help them move forward on their journey. Many blessings as you pursue a new direction.
Welli says
You have a great coach and she carries with her a lot of wisdom as I picked up from her words. I loved the points above on success and will be implementing them myself.
Lara @ Methodical Living says
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm glad that I stumbled across your post. I definitely need to start seeing things through "fresh eyes". I think that will help me tremendously!
Anita says
Lara, blessings as you begin seeing the world (and your opportunities) through fresh eyes!
Barbara Hoyer says
Thanks for sharing your post at last week's Motivation Monday party. Your post is one of this week's features.
Meredith says
Thank you Barb!
Mommy Crusader says
Your Mom is very wise! I loved all the lessons. Thanks for sharing her with us, and thanks for this post!
Meredith says
Thank you! I agree that she's very wise, but don't tell her I finally admitted it! 🙂