Did you know that when children fall asleep, they turn from a solid into a liquid? My first grader is learning the three states of matter, so I'm a temporary authority on the...er...matter. So to speak.
Anyway, she's had strep throat and then developed an allergy to the antibiotic, so needless to say she hasn't been feeling well lately. Today, I was doing some work on my computer when she crawled into my lap and fell asleep. (These are the moments that remind me why I work from home.)
She's usually moving too fast to even entertain the notion of a nap, but as I held her while doing my work, I could feel her getting quieter and heavier. So heavy. You know how when you hold a sleeping baby long enough, your hand or arm will go to sleep? Turns out when you hold a sleeping 6 year old, many other parts go to sleep too.
First my left arm, which carried most of her weight. Then I shifted a bit to put more weight on both arms, and squarely in the middle of my lap. This required that I stop typing, and when I finished reading the page on the screen I was stuck there, not wanting to move her to reach the keyboard. About this time my left leg started going to sleep too, which soon spread all the way up to my left butt cheek.
Again I gently shifted, putting more weight on my right toes, which were flexed to correctly level my poor little lap. Soon I lost feeling in my right toes too. And then the pain. So much heaviness and pain, real pain!, in my left arm. How did she double in body mass? Not only did she get heavier, but now she was dripping out of all the places where she had been contained a moment or two earlier. One arm hung over my left arm, and her right arm was propped on mine, but soon flopped down to my side. Her legs were spilling off my lap, one foot almost touching the floor. Was she ever small enough to wrap up in my arms?
Just as a liquid will drain away from its container when spilled, I know that over time, she will drain out of my arms. Not just when she wakes from this nap, but as she grows up and becomes her own person. There will be a day when not only will she no longer fit, but she'll laugh at the thought of climbing into my lap. Hopefully she'll always want my arms around her, but she'll be a solid then, retaining her own shape. Her own person. She'll allow me to hold her, but will no longer seep into every corner of me.
So here we sit. Even the computer goes to sleep. I watch the screen dim, then go to black, still not willing to wake my sleeping baby. I mean 6-year-old. I think of a book my friend Lisa recommended, about how you have to appreciate the little moments with your kids because you never know when that moment will be the last of its kind. I never read it, was afraid I couldn't bear it. In this moment, I know that this might be the last time she sleeps in my arms. I'm simultaneously grateful for this gift, and hoping she'll wake up and let my poor aching body recover.
Never wake a sleeping baby because someday you'll wake up and she'll be gone, like a vapor, escaping into the atmosphere.
But for now, I'm pretty sure it will take me a while to recover from the pain and stinging all over the left half of my body. When people told me that being a mother was painful, I thought they meant it in the metaphorical sense, not the very real “I can't feel my arm” sense. Oh well, she already has my heart, she may as well take my arm with it. And my leg. And my left butt cheek.
Have you ever had a child fall asleep on your lap? Then you feel my pain. Tell me your story...
Arleen says
When my grandson fell asleep in my arms I thought my arm would fall off. I sat there holding for hours and just stared at and enjoyed his breathing. I thought that I needed to enjoy the moment as you can never get it back. Children are truly a blessing as well as my grandchildren
mwouters says
That's so sweet. Having the upper arm strength for marathon-grandchild-holding sessions is a good motivator to stay in shape!
jacquiegum says
I don't have kids or grand-kids but there have been and still are many kids in my life...I feel blessed in that way. I'm grateful for all the stinging neck pain that I've had to endure because you are so right in saying that those moments can't be repeated. Of course I say this as I'm looking in the rear view mirror!!! At the time, I was eating Advil like crazy!
mwouters says
Funny how stinging neck pain is so worth it! I say Bring on the advil, and enjoy the moment.
Susan Cooper/findingourwaynow.com says
Aw, I smiled and thought about my step-kids when they were young and would set in my lap and fall asleep and how sweet they looked. Like you I didn't have the heart to move, knowing that it would wake them up... so I endured... LOL. . They are now grown with kids of their own. I now smile watching them do the same thing with their own kids. 🙂
mwouters says
They do look sweet...kinda makes up for all the other times they're being stinkers!
reyoncenoels says
I love your voice; great writing! And what a lovely picture/metaphor. Oddly enough, my dog gets as dense as a dying star when he needs to be moved!
mwouters says
Dense as a dying star - I love it. And thanks for the encouragement!
Laurie S Hurley says
Well, my oldest is 19 and was home from college this past weekend. My advice - enjoy every painful moment because before you know it - bam! They are gone. Yes, my daughter used to curl up in my lap and fall asleep. I loved it. Then she hit 13 and didn't even want to be seen with me. Then, something magical happened. She left for college last September and we hugged and cried. Neither one of us wanted to let go. I spent an entire day in bed mourning the loss of my baby. When she came home that first weekend, she was glued to my side - so they do come back around. I am loving this stage. She's a young adult, but a new level of bonding is happening. She holds my hand when we go shopping, sits next to me in a booth when it's just the two of us, and comes into my room before she goes to bed and lays down with me. We are as close now as we were when she was dependent on me for everything. Enjoy every single day and moment. 🙂
mwouters says
Thanks Laurie, that's so good to hear. Usually I hear all the horror stories about kids growing up, so it's nice to know that they do come back around. 🙂
Sally says
Such a great post! I can totally relate to this. My daughter has been having health problems & it can be exhausting & yet time does go by so quickly. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the little moments!
mwouters says
I think when they are sick and being a little high maintenance, it can be easy to get frustrated, but it's so worth the time and effort. I hope your daughter feels better soon!
Jeri Walker-Bickett (@JeriWB) says
You've got some beautiful lines here. Kids and me on the other hand... we don't mix 😉
mwouters says
Thanks Jeri! My brother feels the same way as you about kids and I totally respect that. But I do kinda like mine. 🙂
Beth Niebuhr says
Yes, I remember those days. Another tough one: I had to pick up my son after nursery school and often I'd have to wake up my 2 year old daughter so that she could go with me. Here's the problem: I often didn't have the car and I'd have to carry my daughter all the way. She would go back to sleep. Not only do little ones turn to liquid when they sleep. They also become very heavy. A squirming child is light; a sleeping one seems 3 times as heavy. Thanks for reminding me.
mwouters says
I had the same problem when my older one was in kindergarten, and the little one was still taking naps every day, at exactly the time we had to pick up from school. If having one in your lap is heavy, walking with one in your arms is downright herculean!
Catarina Alexon says
Love having children sleeping in my lap, even though I don't have any children of my own. At the moment it's great when my nine year old nephew crawl next to me when watching a movie. Love it apart from when it gets too warm:-()
mwouters says
Nieces, nephews, and grandchildren are the best! Enjoy!
thetraveloguer says
This is so sweet. Enjoy them while they are small, but as Laurie says, they do come back. I'm sure I upset my mom when I was a teenager, but as soon as I got out of that stage, I really appreciated her again. 🙂
mwouters says
For me, there's nothing like becoming a parent to make you feel bad for all the grief you gave your own parents! Make sure you tell your mom you appreciate her... 🙂
Mina Joshi (@GiveMeSomeSpice) says
This brings back so many memories of when my boys were small and loved cuddling up to me and sleeping with the head on my lap whilst watching TV. Enjoy the moments as they soon grow up and fly the nest. It's still lovely when they visit and and on rare occasions rest their head on your shoulder whilst watching TV.
mwouters says
That's so sweet Mina, to know they still occasionally snuggle with you a bit. Gives me hope!
Suzanne Fluhr (Boomeresque) says
Lovely piece. I do remember sitting very still with a sleeping child on my lap, afraid to move for fear of waking them -- especially our older son who was a terrible sleeper. Now I have the same problem with the dog! Ours often falls asleep on some part of my anatomy and when I have to move because I'm losing circulation in that part, I get a very put out look from him.
theJenWeaver says
What a great message. Appreciating the little moments. Great reminder! 🙂
Debra Yearwood says
What a beautiful article. This was so well written and the sentiment is spot on. I miss the weight of those little bodies since I now look up to look into the eyes of my babies. Guess I'm happy to have the weight of their heads on my shoulder and hopefully that won't be going away ever. 🙂
Meredith says
Thank you Debra. I'm pretty short, and I know at least one of my daughters will be taller than me in the not-too-distant future. I will be looking up to them soon too. I agree, hopefully the weight of them will not be going away anytime soon.
Home Jobs by MOM (@HomeJobsbyMOM) says
I know that liquid feeling all too well when I am trying to carry my youngest for very long. By the end he's practically on the ground and I have to tell him to walk.
Meredith says
Yes, you can only take so much in the moment, even when you know that someday you'll miss those moments...
normaleverydaylife says
This is such a sweet post! And now if it is the last time, you'll always be able to remember it. Hopefully it will happen at least a few more times though!
Meredith says
Thank you! You're right, now it's a part of written history. I wonder what my kids will say when they grow up and read these posts?
georgiadann says
So glad to have found your site (and I love your background). Kids are the best aren't they? Actually mine are bad sleepers so I've never had one fall asleep on me. Boo... But they are the sweetest things ever.
Meredith says
Thanks! Yes, they are the best. Here's wishing you a sleeping child at some point in your future!