The Palette Muse

Creating a color-filled life

Stay Nine-and-a-Half Forever

59 Comments

“I wish I could stay nine-and-a-half forever.”

This was the reply from my daughter the other day when I remarked (yet again) on how tall she’s getting. My immediate thought was, ‘Nine-and-a-half? Slow down, you just turned nine!’ Then I realized she was right. Her ninth birthday was already six months ago. Where did half a year go? In another two weeks she’ll be starting fourth grade. In another nine years she’ll be starting college.

Growing up is hard to do.Life started flashing before my eyes. Not my life…hers. Instead of looking backwards, I got a quick and terrifying glimpse forwards. Things we haven’t even begun to think about started crowding my mind: pimples…bras…(gasp!) boys. Middle school, high school, and beyond. How are we going to get through all this together?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, “I wish you could stay nine-and-a-half forever, too, sweetie.” The moment passed, and I managed not to burst into tears. After all, we were with one of her friends, and I didn’t want to embarrass her too much by being *that* mom. But the thought drifted through the day with me, popping up when I least expected it.

The next day, I was on her case to clean her room. (Also, yet again.) I stood in the middle of the chaos and announced “I have a plan.” I knew she was overwhelmed by the mess that had been growing all summer, and there was no way she was going to get herself out of this one without some adult intervention.

Doesn't cleaning your room mean you stuff everything in your closet?

Doesn’t cleaning your room mean you stuff everything in your closet?

My plan was simple – to sit down with her one pile at a time and help her work out what things she needed to let go of and what to keep. But as I announced that I had a plan, she looked at me with such a hopeless expression, that I laughed and finished with, “A plan for your good, and not for harm.”

Remember that verse in Jeremiah?

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

OK, so maybe it’s overkill for cleaning a room (although I’d argue that God’s word is always true, even down to issues as small as room-cleaning) but in that moment I heard what I needed to hear, coming out of my own mouth. And as I thought about it later that evening, I came to see some truths that comforted my heart.

  1. There will never be a time when she is out of His sight, even though she will be more and more away from my side.
  2. I may be helpless to save her from some of the hardships of growing up, but those hardships will be what refines her character and makes her into the person that God has planned for her to be.
  3. If she doesn’t grow up, that will be the real tragedy.
  4. I’m thankful that she has a hope, and a future. I have always believed that God has a good plan for my life, even through some pretty hard times, and I surely believe He has the same in store for her.
  5. I am not in control of her life. And that is a good thing.

That night before bed, I looked up the verse, to reassure myself, although I know it by heart. Do you know what God says in the very next verse? Here it is:

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

I felt better, knowing she is in good hands. She’ll be fine. For a while maybe she won’t be, but then she will be. And that is life for all of us. Beautiful, messy, heartbreaking, and sacred. There is no way to give her an easy ride, and that wouldn’t be the best thing for her anyway. So we’ll just buckle in, throw our hands up in the air, and prepare to be terrified and amazed together.

But with all that said, I still think I’d be OK with her staying nine-and-a-half forever.

Comments

    • Thank you Debra. I’m sure this is true at any age. It’s such a joy to see them grow up, but it’s not without some heartache as well.

      Reply

  7. hi meredith; I am so impressed with your relationship with the lord and that you were able to bring up a great quote at just the right time. and if i remember right there is a line about he is with us in the small things and the great ones. and when i thought of the image of you throwing your hands up it made me think about how teens ride roller coasters or other thrill rides. they throw their hands up scream their heads off and some close their eyes. others put their arms around each other. thanks for sharing, max

    Reply

    • Thanks Max. I love that you caught my roller coaster reference (that seems fitting, giving your profession), and my very favorite thing about your whole comment is how you point out that some people put their arms around each other. That is a beautiful metaphor for how I want to live my life with my daughters. Thanks for your words.

      Reply

  8. My girls are 19 and 16 and don’t think for a moment that I don’t wish they could freeze and stay young forever. Saying goodbye to my oldest when she went to college last September was the hardest thing I have ever done. She chose to work across the country all summer and I won’t see her until Aug. 19. People tell me, “give them wings, let them fly!” Of course I want to do that, but I miss them being around 24/7. My advice is this – enjoy every single moment for they pass too quickly and know at some point they will come back to you. I decided to be an entrepreneur the day my oldest turned 4. There was no way I was going to miss a track meet, soccer game, doctor’s appt – it was the best decision I ever made. God will protect them and you – this I know to be true.

    Reply

    • Laurie, thank you for such truth. I never tire of hearing from other moms who feel the same way as me. I’m so thankful for the chance to be here, and be really present, at this time in my kids’ lives.

      Reply

  10. Meredith, this was so beautiful and I know it’s true. I have a plaque with a dutch saying that roughly translated says “In God’s hands I place my child; Where I went wrong, He will correct.” That was always such a comfort to me. You are an amazing mom, the way you listen and share.
    Lenie

    Reply

    • Thank you Lenie, that is a beautiful saying. It can be so overwhelming, trying to be a good mom and teach your kids everything you think they need to know for this life. It’s so nice to be reminded that I don’t have to do it on my own.

      Reply

  11. I think it’s so sweet that your daughter actually said she wants to stay nine and a half forever. You expect parents to feel that way, but kids are usually in such a hurry to grow up. It’s nice she’s enjoying her childhood so much she’s not looking for it to go by as fast as possible. But then it sounds like she has a wonderful mother so no wonder. 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you Susan! I’m so glad she’s happy to not grow up too fast. The irony is that it makes her seem so mature that she has the sense to not get ahead of herself!

      Reply

  12. I made my mum read this post. She couldn’t agree more and felt happy that it reminded her of time when i was growing up. Kudos to you Meredith.
    I am sure you are an amazing mum.
    Ajay

    Reply

  14. What is interesting Meredith is that our children do grow in spite of us. It is funny how children at that half to their ages. When you get passed 30 and beyond, who wants to add anything to our age. You have a good relationship with daughter and that will last a lifetime. Enjoy the moment as you can never get that back.

    Reply

    • I know! That half a year is so important to them. I remember feeling that way. I think time speeds up as you get older.

      Reply

  15. I don’t have any children of my own but I can sure relate to that closet when I was your daughter’s age. LOL I think your thoughts and ideals are the best anyone could hope for. And you remind me of my own mom who I know is fantastic. I hope that when she is my age (40!) that you will both have as strong of a relationship as you do now…if not stronger. 😉

    Reply

    • Ha! I’d get mad at her for the closet, but I’m pretty sure she got that from me. 🙂 Thank you for the kind words, that is my hope exactly!

      Reply

  16. If I have any regrest is I never started a family. To see your children, and to sow the seeds that will later become who they are, must be a great thing.

    Reply

    • Yeah, it’s not for everybody, but I can’t imagine not having my little ones in my life. It truly is a great thing.

      Reply

  17. It is hard sometimes to see your children get older when the hurts and troubles they encounter are tougher and ones you can’t fix with a hug or a kiss. But seeing them grow into interesting adults is pretty amazing. I remember I could hardly wait to turn ten, but a couple of years ago my niece went through the same thing as your daughter. She didn’t want to go into double digits.

    Reply

    • There’s something kind of intimidating about double digits, at least if you’re the kind of self-aware kid who thinks about such things, I guess. You’re right, I dread the kind of hurts that can’t be fixed with a bandaid. On the other hand, I really love seeing the person she’s growing into!

      Reply

  18. Hi Meredith,
    Seeing God in the ordinary, everyday circumstances of life is sacred living, which is far better than living scared. Same letters, but rearranged according to choice. Your daughter’s wish to stay nine and a half forever suggests that she is beginning to realize changes within herself, which is a good thing, considering that many people that grew old never grew up.

    Perhaps Colossians 3:23 will motivate your daughter too. I’ve always loved the reassurance of Psalm 46:10. There is great peace in that.

    Kind Regards,
    Bill

    Reply

    • Thank you Bill, those are both verses that I remember being helpful to me when I was growing up. Thanks for the reminder!

      Reply

  19. Nine is a good year wait until she turns 12 1/2 then you will really wish time moved backwards. Remember failing is learning (as long as its not in school), you can’t fix all of her problems and sometimess the only way a kid learns is through failing. And like you and others have said I will take growing, pimples, and the smart mouth over tragedy.

    Jay

    Reply

    • I know! I wish there was some way to avoid what’s coming, but I don’t think I like that option either. That’s a great attitude: failing is learning. I will have to remember and use that.

      Reply

  20. My daughter turned 10 in April. She also has a crazy messy room LOL. I am also scared of the future. This post made me feel better. Thank you so much. I an definitely passing it on.

    Reply

  21. I went through the same feelings when my boys were growing up. It’s hard when they grow up and start becoming independent and the worst part is when they leave home to go to Uni and I start messing his messy bedroom!

    Reply

    • It’s like the worst and best thing at the same time, when they become more independent. I’m sure I’ll be missing things I never expected to miss from these days!

      Reply

  25. Meredith this is so touching and poetic! I can relate to all those feelings and like you, I have to trust that He has the best plan for each and every one of us. My baby is 7 and I cherish those sweet, tender and innocent years that are going by much too fast… My oldest is 17 and will be leaving for college in a much too short year.. I get all chocked up and teary eye already when I realize that our time together as we know it is about to change forever. We have an amazing relationship and I know we’ll remain close but.. it’s a big world out there and I have to let her go, knowing she’ll make mistakes, have phenomenal victories, have her heart broken and live experiences that I can not even begin to imagine.. that is the bittersweet side of motherhood.. letting go … wanting to hold on just a moment longer to the simple, beautiful moments that fill our hearts to breaking 🙂

    Reply

    • Thanks Valerie, for your comment. You obviously understand! I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Here’s to all the phenomenal victories ahead of them…

      Reply

  26. This was really sweet Meredith! It must be so hard to think of your children growing up. my friends and I already talk about how tough it would be to have a teenage girl, we remember how hormonal we were all too well!
    It’s funny that your girl wants to stay nine and a half forever, I thought kids were always looking forward to their next birthday and getting older! 🙂

    Reply

  27. I think a child who wants to stay at the age they are at is the sign of a happy kid. My 10 year old son has expressed similar sentiment. At first I thought that meant some anxiety about growing up, but when I talked to him about it, it was really about enjoying his friends, his school and his life in general.

    Reply

    • Ken, I love that thought. She seems to feel the same way as your son, just happy to be who she is at the moment. That is a gift.

      Reply

  28. What a timely story, my nephew is the same age, and I was having the same thought. He’s so tall, that it masks his true age. Many think he’s in 5th or 6th grade and he’s going into fourth. I have the lump in my throat when I realize it’s auntie who will probably end up teaching him how to drive.

    Reply

    • How wonderful that he has an auntie like you! I’m sure you’re a great encouragement to him and his parents.

      Reply

Trackbacks

I love to hear from you! What do you think?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Let’s be Pen Pals – Subscribe!